Hey guys, HD here. Before you read the following article, I wanted to preface it and reveal its' origin.
It was penned by one Brad Wilkerson and recently appeared on a SEC blog known as Saturday Down South.
Whenever fans of a program (Arkansas) that has never beaten a Big Ten team in a bowl game or really ever had any national significance trash-talks a program like Ohio State, it is just too priceless not to share here on BlockONation.
And certainly no other grouping of college football fans in the nation can piggyback the accomplishments of the legit teams in their conference like those KINGS OF PIGGYBACKING SEC fans...
Please forward a link to this article to every Buckeye fan you know!
Razorbacks Criticize Buckeyes
It’s THE school that has never beaten an SEC team in a bowl game. It’s THE Alma Mater of such great Americans as Maurice Clarett. It’s THE State University of THE state known for its flaming rivers, the rust belt and Lebron James fleeing like the place was on fire… It’s THE Ohio State University. But what do we really know about Ohio State? This is the first in a series designed to introduce SEC fans to the team that will take on the Arkansas Razorbacks in the Allstate Sugar Bowl.
Part One: Q & A
Q: Hasn’t Ohio State been in the news recently?
A: Yes they have. You might recognize University President E. Gordon Gee as that goofy guy in the bow tie that appointed his self as spokesperson for all BCS schools when he blasted TCU and Boise State for playing the “Sisters of the poor.” Mr. Gee went on to refer to Ohio States Schedule as a “Murderer’s Row” which should strike the SEC fan as interesting considering that THE Ohio State University defeated exactly zero teams ranked in the final regular season BCS top 25, compared to the four that Arkansas defeated.
Q: Who is that nice looking man in the sweater vest?
A: That man is Ohio State Head Coach Jim Tressel but don’t let his looks fool you. Tressel has been at the center of several pay-for-play scandals involving such high profile recruits as Troy Smith and Maurice Clarett.
Q: Maurice Clarett… What ever happened to that guy?
A: You mean inmate #37224? Well, after dominating college football as a true freshman, Mr. Clarett fell on hard times that included several arrests, a dismissal from the team and a failed NFL career (this probably had something to do with allegedly drinking Grey Goose Vodka before practice, or “Getting my Goose on” as he was fond of saying) . It all seemed to hit rock bottom when Clarett was arrested in 2006 after a high speed chase with police. A Kevlar-clad Clarett was arrested with several assault rifles, a samurai sword and, of course, a bottle of his precious “Goose” after he drove over a spike strip laid out by police.
Q: What are their fans like?
A: The Ohio State fan base is comprised mostly of people known as F.I.F.O.’s. F.I.F.O. is an acronym (word made up of the first letter of other words, for the Ohio State fans reading this) used to describe any resident of the Buckeye State. I’ll let you figure out what the first “F” stands for but the rest is “Idiot from Ohio”. Ohio State fans are some of the most nostalgic in college football. If you didn’t know any better you would think that Archie Griffin still played for Ohio State based on the way fans incessantly talk about his Heisman Trophy winning days of the mid 1970’s.
Q: Surely they can’t be that bad…
A: Think of the most obnoxious, D-cell battery throwing, LSU fan you have ever encountered…Now, give him a northern accent, take away any class he might have had along with all common sense and shorten his vocabulary to pretty much just the F-word, and you have a F.I.F.O. Beware of these people. Your southern hospitality might make you feel so inclined as to welcome these visitors to the South but I would advise against it. Any communication with an Ohio State fan will more than likely just result in a bottle of Jagermeister or Ed Hardy Vodka being poured on your head.
Q: How do I spot an Ohio State fan?
A: They will be wearing a jersey. It’s not known exactly why, but Ohio State fans LOVE wearing jerseys. This may seem odd to anyone from the South where we tend to leave the jersey wearing to the players on the field but it is a way of life for them. You might catch some Buckeye fans in a T-shirt but you can rest assured you will never see one wearing a collared shirt.
Q: Do they have any unique school cheers?
A: They spell the name of the state they live in, seriously. Yep, O-H-I-O is as creative as it gets for the Buckeyes. Don’t be surprised if you see a few F.I.F.O.’s ducking for cover the first time Razorback Nation stands up and calls the Hogs as they will have no idea what is going on due to their limited mental capacities.
Q: What does an Ohio State fan do after the game?
A: Riot. Win, lose or draw the Buckeyes love a good riot. Need proof? Just ask former University President Karen Holbrook who, in a job interview, was quoted as saying of the student body “When you win a game, you riot. When you lose a game, you riot. When spring comes, you riot. African-American Heritage Festival weekend, you riot”. She went on to say “They think it’s fun to flip cars, to really have absolute drunken orgies.” Certainly looks like a great way to celebrate a win…
The article abruptly ends there without any closure or mention of an actual Part 2 that might be in the works, but we'll keep an eye out for any future garbage from Brad and SDS. We can always use, and share, a few more good laughs.
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